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A Wild Naked Man Appeared! Tennessee Man Attacks Deputy Who Refused to Shake His Hand

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Derrick Dalton Goins

Tennessee Man Derrick Dalton Goins

Ever hear of Florida Man? Well, here is his cousin, Tennessee Man:

Derrick Dalton Goins of Rogersville, Tennessee, was arrested on May 21st on charges of assault, resisting arrest, and indecent exposure.

According to Hawkins County deputy Keith Long, here’s what happened. Police received a complaint of a naked man in the road on Route 66 at around 3:20 am, so they dispatched Long to check it out. When he arrived, lo and behold, there was indeed a naked man walking in the road, headed north across the Chapel Road bridge.

Then it got weird.

“I attempted to speak with the subject, who would only say his first name repeatedly,” Long said in a report.

At this point, we consider it entirely possible that Goins thought that he was a Pokémon, since he had no clothes on and only could speak using his name.

Wild Naked Man

DERRICK! I Choose You!

Then Goins decided he wanted to join Long’s party. “Goins then reached his hand out, appearing that he wanted to shake hands,” Long said in his report. “When I refused, he made a fist and attempted to strike me in the face.”

Derrick used Mega Punch!

“His punch did not connect,” Long added.

Derrick missed…

Derrick used Thrash!

“[…] he fell into me and continued to swing, eventually striking the side of my head,” Long said. Following this, Long, with the aid of off-duty deputy David Benton, restrained Goins and handcuffed him.

Derrick was hit with recoil!

This is extra bad for Poke-Goins. He is currently on probation stemming from a guilty plea to one count of contributing to the delinquency of a minor, a charge he acquired after being pulled over at 3 am with three 13-year-old girls in his car, who he was driving to another man’s house. The other man had been texting one of the girls about “hanging out,” “taking a shower” together, and having sex. Goins was predictably taken to jail pending his arraignment.

Derrick fainted!