Timothy Moore
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Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Tank Crushes Stuff

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Arnold Schwarzenegger's tank

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a tank, and he wants to crush things in it with you.

Ever wanted to crush a bunch of junk (or even some priceless heirlooms) inside of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s tank? Of course you have. Everyone has this oddly specific desire. And now we all have the chance to act on it. And the best part? You, Arnie, and the tank can crush stuff all in the name of charity.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's tank

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s tank destroys everything in its path. Except Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Here’s how it works. You go to omaze.com/Arnold where you can enter to win. Entries start at $10, and Arnold will be matching all of us, dollar for dollar, with proceeds benefiting After-School All-Stars. But 10 bucks just gets you one entry. If you give a bit more, you’ll get a lot more in return. Here’s how it breaks down:

1 entry at $10/each

5 entries+ at $8/each, plus you’ll get a digital thank you card signed by Arnold

Arnold Schwarzenegger's tank

10 entries+ at $7/each, plus you’ll get a digital thank you video and Arnold wristbands

Arnold Schwarzenegger's tank

15 entries+ at $6.67/each, plus you’ll get a limited edition “Arnold in a tank” shirt designed by Mr. Kindergarten Cop himself

Arnold Schwarzenegger's tank

50 entries+ at $5/each, plus you’ll get that awesome shirt, autographed

Arnold Schwarzenegger's tank

100+ entries at $5/each, plus you’ll get a personalized video saying your favorite movie line

Arnold Schwarzenegger's tank

500+ entries at $5/each would have gotten you an exclusive framed and signed poster from Generation Iron, if you had acted faster

Arnold Schwarzenegger's tank

1,000+ entries at $5/each, plus you’ll get a weight belt that has been signed by the Terminator himself, with a personalized message, as well as a signed Mr. Olympia poster (at the time of writing this, 8 of 10 remain)

Arnold Schwarzenegger's tank

4,000+ entries at $5/each means you’ve got some seriously disposable income and a big heart, plus you’ll get a limited edition Conan the Barbarian Sword signed by Arnold, plus all the other prizes (at the time of writing this, 2 of 2 remain)

Arnold Schwarzenegger's tank

All the prizes will be delivered within 4 to 12 weeks of the campaign’s close.

So what exactly is the grand prize? Everything you’ve ever wanted, that’s what. You and a friend will ride along in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s tank (an M47 Patton) and crush something in your path. Plus, if you’re feeling extra strong, you and Arnold can lift weights together too. And of course smoking cigars with Arnold is included because it’s Arnold freaking Schwarzenegger we’re talking about here. The best day ever will happen for the lucky winner in late March or early April of this year.

Arnold Schwarzenegger's tank

Come on and enter. You know you want to.

The idea for this contest came from Reddit user “ipeeinyourshower,” which leads me to advise you to buy some bleach and spend some time scrubbing tonight, but only after you’ve entered to win.

And if benefiting charity is not enough to entice you to enter the contest, I highly encourage you to check out the video of Arnold being badass in his tank below. If you can watch a once pregnant man destroy a taxi and a child’s play house in an M47 Patton and not want to enter, then I am at a loss for words.

Check it out now, and then enter to win and to benefit the After-School All-Stars. It’s Turbo Time.

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  • Timothy MooreContributing Writer

    Timothy Moore takes his leadership inspiration from Michael Scott, his writing inspiration from Mark Twain, and his dancing inspiration from every drunk white guy at a wedding. When Tim is not writing about cars, he’s working on his novel or reading someone else’s, geeking out over strategy board games, hiking with his pooch, or channeling his inner Linda Belcher over beers with his friends. See more articles by Timothy.