Timothy Moore
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Chevy Employee Steals a Camaro with OnStar

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A New Entry for the Stupid Crime Hall of Fame.

2013 Camaro

Chevy employee steals a 2013 Camaro… with OnStar (photo: ryan.pallas)

You would think that a Chevrolet dealership employee would know enough about his line of work to understand that he couldn’t possibly hijack a Camaro with OnStar from that very dealership and not get caught. Just how much of a bonehead was this Chevy employee who stole a Camaro? You’d be surprised.

It all started when the employee, Kevin Morales, discontinued his employment with Courtesy Chevrolet in Glendale, Arizona. Just two weeks later, the dealership reported than a brand spankin’ new 2013 Chevy Camaro had been stolen right off the dealership lot. But lucky for Courtesy Chevrolet, the Camaro was equipped with OnStar, which has—wait for it—Stolen Vehicle Assistance, something a Chevrolet dealership employee should know all about (or a good employee should know all about, I suppose).

Strike one.

But the saga of the mysterious Chevy employee who stole a Camaro does not stop there. Remember, he’s not just your average bonehead—he’s a mega super bonehead, a rare but dangerous subspecies. Police quickly tracked down the Camaro in question and, lo and behold, it was parked right outside Morales’ apartment. And inside the Camaro? No, it couldn’t possibly have been…oh, snap, it was…Morales’ ID, Social Security card, and several other means of identification.

Strike two.

Keep in mind that this Camaro bore a license plate that, according to documentation, was reserved only for employees and was not to be used during test drives, so if this car disappeared during a test drive, it should not have been wearing that license plate. That doesn’t matter, of course, because Morales didn’t work in sales anyway and thus would not ever be allowed to take the car out, not even on a test drive.

While police inspected the Camaro, one of the officers took note of another car that proudly wore the Courtesy Chevy logo—an all-new Chevy Traverse, complete with a custom license plate that read “KEVANE7.” Before you start to wonder, the license plate was, in fact, registered to Morales, but—get this—it was registered to a 2006 Nissan, not a 2013 Chevy. I’ll take World’s Biggest Boneheads for 2000, Alex.

Strike three. You’re out.

As soon as the police spotted the strangely licensed Traverse, they relayed the information to Courtesy Chevrolet, who confirmed that they were, in fact, missing a 2013 Traverse. (How a dealership could be missing a 4,500+ lb vehicle and not notice is beyond me, but cut ‘em some slack—they were probably just understaffed since their shining employee, Morales, left two weeks ago. Too soon?)

When police learned that Morales had no permission to have either car in his possession (and why would he, as he didn’t work there?), Morales explained that he took the cars on a test drive with his friend, who Morales only knew as “Martin.” Now don’t get me wrong, Martin could be a standup guy. But my mother always told me not to trust someone without a last name. Maybe that’s where Morales, the dastardly Chevy employee who stole a Camaro with some guy named Martin, went wrong.

Morales claimed that this shady Martin guy must have taken the cars behind his back after the test drives but—hold the phone—didn’t we establish earlier that Morales, as someone who didn’t work in sales at a job he left two weeks prior, did not have permission to go out on test drives? And didn’t the Nissan mysteriously have Morales’ license plate on it, not Martin No-Name’s? Okay, just checking.

Eventually, Morales did confess to have been driving the Traverse for the last couple weeks. He was promptly arrested and slapped with two felony charges of vehicle theft.

Probably because there’s no law against being a bonehead.

Timothy Moore takes his leadership inspiration from Michael Scott, his writing inspiration from Mark Twain, and his dancing inspiration from every drunk white guy at a wedding. When Tim is not writing about cars, he’s working on his novel or reading someone else’s, geeking out over strategy board games, hiking with his pooch, or channeling his inner Linda Belcher over beers with his friends. See more articles by Timothy.