Chinese Police Doom Us All by Towing Car of Young Man Who Says He Is Space Royalty
Well, it’s official, everybody. We are all doomed, and it’s all thanks to some police officers in Huzhou, a city in China’s Zhejiang province. In a video captured by police, officers stopped a young man in a compact car.
However, this exchange was fated to be different from any one before. It started when officers looked up the car’s driver, and soon found that the young man had a frankly ridiculous 27 unresolved (which we take to mean unpaid) traffic violations.
Since this young man is obviously bent on violating traffic in every way possible, police informed him that they would need to tow the car.
It was then that the young man revealed his true self—far from the mild-mannered multi-violating Huzhou resident that he originally appeared, this young man was actually royalty. And not just any royalty—SPACE royalty. As a member of a royal family of the Milky Way, bad things might happen to any planet that dares risk his ire.
“You have your regulations, but we have our regulations in the Milky Way as well,” he warned the officers. “I’m from a royal family. If you let me go, then I will let this incident pass. However, if you piss me off, I will be forced to destroy the Earth. My royal family is the biggest in the galaxy and no one has ever dared to make me this unhappy.”
However, rather than kowtow in the traditional manner with which we greet alien royalty, these police officers doomed us all. One jokingly asked why the young royal didn’t get around in a plane rather than a car, to which the young prince reminded him that aliens don’t use planes, they use UFOs. Then, directly provoking the ire of space royalty, they towed his car anyway.
So, it’s time for rioting and looting in the streets, as clearly, as soon as that young man makes it back to his UFO and fires off a transmission to his home planet, we are so done. Watch the beginning of the end for us all below (and don’t worry about telling China–it has already gone viral for them, so they are aware of the impending doom).
Posted by Shanghaiist 中文版 on Wednesday, April 27, 2016
News Source: Shanghaiist
Daniel Susco is a native of the Dayton-Cincinnati area, and has written on a multitude of subjects. He can discuss Shakespeare, expound on Classical Mythology, and even make witty jokes about Pliny the Elder (More like “Pliny the Rounder,” right?). In his free time, Daniel enjoys reading, cooking, woodworking, and long walks on the beach (just kidding – sunburn is no joke). See more articles by Daniel.