Kyle Johnson
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Guess Which Idiotic POTUS Took Credit for Ford’s $1.2B Michigan Investment (Hint: Current Idiotic POTUS)

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Donald Trump speaking

Pictured: hideous diaper baby
Photo: Gage Skidmore

Ford on Tuesday announced that it will invest $1.2 billion at three Michigan facilities, creating or retaining 130 jobs as the company begins preparations for the relaunch of the Ranger and Bronco. It didn’t take long for the incomprehensibly stupid human beings(?) in the White House to take credit for the announcement, disregarding altogether that Ford’s plans had already been set in motion a full year before the 2016 election and only days before the current pissbaby president mocked a reporter with a physical disability.

The bulk of the investments announced on Tuesday—including $700 million of the $850 million at Michigan Assembly Plant and $150 million at Romeo Engine Plant—were, as Ford President of the Americas Joe Hinrichs told CNBC, secured in 2015 as part of Ford’s deal with the United Auto Workers. Of the $1.2 billion, only $200 million for an advanced data center and an additional $150 million for Michigan Assembly were new information.

The four-year deal inked between UAW and Ford in November 2015 calls for $9 billion in investments in US-based manufacturing and the creation or retention of 8,500 jobs; the 130 jobs created or retained at Romeo Engine Plant are a part of that original commitment. The Ford-UAW deal also all but confirmed the return of both the Ford Ranger and Bronco, which prior to being announced in earnest earlier this year was ostensibly confirmed by a UAW official responding to a false claim made by a certain waterlogged corpse in a suit that Ford intended to “fire all their employees” in the United States.

[Watch] Hinrichs Sets the Record Straight on CNBC

But these are all facts, and if the first two nightmarish months of a very, very big boy’s presidency are any sort of indication, facts simply do not matter when the President of the United States is a person(?) who lies like it’s some sort of life-sustaining function. With a quickness matched only by the rate at which his approval rate is plummeting, the world’s least favorite fuccboi and greatest current resource of American shame dropped a tweet insinuating that he should be given credit for something already a year-plus in the making.

(If you are a trusted advisor/puppeteer and cannot read the above tweet, allow me to offer a helpful translation: Большое объявление Форда сегодня. Крупные инвестиции будут сделаны на трех заводах в Мичигане. Автомобильные компании возвращаются в США РАБОТЫ! РАБОТЫ! РАБОТЫ!)

Hours after this tweet, a camera was guided, seemingly on the notes of a quirky Danny Elfman composition, beyond a creaking wrought iron gate, up a dilapidated hillside, and to the doorstep of a crumbling manor standing hideously against a lightning-cracked sky. After gliding through a shadow- and cobweb-choked foyer, down a stone spiral staircase that lay hidden behind a secret door in a bookshelf, and past an ancient wooden door leading into a primitive mortuary, the all-seeing eye slammed into focus on an upright angled casket. The lid was then thrown open by an invisible, likely supernatural force to reveal the gruesome, cackling visage of the nation’s propaganda minister. From that visage came this tweet:

On the plus side, at least the Cryptkeeper cited a source that accurately portrayed Ford as increasing its investment by $350 million instead of taking credit for the entire $1.2 billion or, oh, I don’t know, making up some story whole-cloth about Henry Ford’s corpse rising from the grave to shake big boy Donnie’s hand and congratulate him for making anti-Semites such a key and visible part of his base.

Here is where I might say that taking credit for something that the administration has nothing to do with is akin to that kid you knew in elementary school who fed you and your friends lies about an uncle who worked at Nintendo, got exclusive access to the Nintendo 64 before anyone else could play it, and created the character of Link using their nephew as a source of inspiration. You know that they’re lying, but that doesn’t stop a whole bunch of other gullible dummies from lapping it up like a spilled Capri Sun.

But I don’t necessarily need to do that because Brandon Dillon, Party Chair for the Michigan Democratic Party, already issued a pretty brilliant takedown of the whole farce in a press release entitled “MDP: Trump Taking Credit for Jobs Negotiated in 2015 is a Joke.” Presumably, the working title was “MDP: This Dumb Asshole Said What Now? Are You Actually Being for Real?”

Donald Trump taking credit for Ford’s latest investment in Michigan is like a kid telling his friends he made dinner when his dad picked up a Hot-N-Ready from Little Caesars. These investments are the result of collective bargaining between UAW and Ford in 2015, made possible by President Barack Obama’s faith in America’s auto workers. Donald Trump is the most anti-worker occupant of the Oval Office we’ve ever seen, and the American people are no longer buying his con game. The fact that someone who’s supposed to be the President of the United States has no accomplishments of his own, and feels the need to take credit for someone else’s, is a joke.

With regards to that last line, let’s be fair: the President of the United States has plenty of accomplishments to his name. He’s an inspiration to any kid who has ever been told that they cannot do something they set their mind to as he is without question the least qualified person(?) to ever take office as president, far and away the stupidest, and also the only sentient being to win the job after being found to have openly bragged to a third-rate TV show host about sexually assaulting women.

Because the idea that he has no accomplishments of his own to tout is FAKE NEWS, I might suggest a simple edit for Mr. Dillon that is more factual and arrives to the point much more quickly: The President of the United States is a joke. Only nobody’s laughing.

News Source: CNBC

  • Kyle JohnsonEditor

    Kyle S. Johnson lives in Cincinnati, a city known by many as "the Cincinnati of Southwest Ohio." He enjoys professional wrestling, Halloween, and also other things. He has been writing for a while, and he plans to continue to write well into the future. See more articles by Kyle.