Kyle Johnson
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Hot Damn the 2016 Jaguar XE Looks Amazing

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Even if the reveal took its sweet ass time in getting to the actual, ya know, revealing bit.

Today, the 2016 Jaguar XE was revealed at Earls Court in London (revealed, of course, once you got past the weird and forever-long reveal that included a terrible Off-Off-Broadway show and HOLY CRAP BRIAN JOHNSON OF AC/DC IS HERE/ALIVE? WELL NOW I WANT TO BUY ONE WHERE DO I SIGN UP?).

2016 Jaguar XE

The answer to this question: “HRRRAUGGGHHHYEUUU”

Seriously, it took two goddamn hours before they finally rolled the new XE out on stage, and there are so many brain cells that we are never getting back after sitting through Fake Tom Baker’s acting that it’s almost not a good want a brain better who.

2016 Jaguar XE

*Establishing Connection to Synapses*

So despite all of the terrible acting and endless musical interludes and cerebral hemorrhaging that has no doubt shortened my life span by about 10 years or so, was it worth it? Well, here it is.

2016 Jaguar XE

*drooling noise*

Oh, and it does 0-60mph in 4.9 seconds and is electronically capped at 155mph.

Yeah, it was worth it. 10/10 would murder brain again.

Gallery: 2016 Jaguar XE Exterior Goodness

The 2016 Jaguar XE is the first developed on the Jag/Land Rover modular vehicle architecture, combining ridiculous power with exceptional refinement. An aluminum-intensive body means that the XE will be the lightest, stiffest, and most aerodynamic Jag saloon ever built.

In addition to the ridiculous power of the 3.0-liter supercharged V6 (the same found in the badass F-Type S), drivers will have the option of powering the XE with a 2.0-liter gasoline or 2.0-liter diesel engines. More details on those powertrains is expected for Paris Motor Show.

Gallery: 2016 Jaguar XE Interior Lovelies

“Our mission was to create an exciting and dynamic design clearly reflecting the XE’s positioning as a serious driver’s car,” says Kevin Stride, Vehicle Line Director, Jaguar XE. “The cab-rearward proportions and tight packaging achieve that and give the XE the appearance of movement even when it’s standing still. It bears a strong family resemblance to the F-TYPE and will stand apart in the crowd.”

The 2016 Jaguar XE seems perfectly capable of doing just that, though I’d go so far as to say it doesn’t need any sort of lead-in from community theater all-stars to do so.

Images: Jaguar

  • Kyle JohnsonEditor

    Kyle S. Johnson lives in Cincinnati, a city known by many as "the Cincinnati of Southwest Ohio." He enjoys professional wrestling, Halloween, and also other things. He has been writing for a while, and he plans to continue to write well into the future. See more articles by Kyle.