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Humorless Arsonist Burns Four Chevy Volts in California

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Novato, CA resident John Allen Bixler was arrested in connection with the crime

Novato, CA resident John Allen Bixler was arrested in connection with the crime
Photo credit: Novato Police

Four first-gen Chevy Volts were set on fire on Monday night at a dealership in the San Francisco Bay Area. Although initially thought to have been caused by a nearby brush fire, surveillance footage revealed that the vehicles were intentionally torched, and police have now arrested 46-year-old Novato, California, resident John Allen Bixler on suspicion of arson/failure to capitalize on the potential for great wordplay.

Because obviously it is never okay to set someone else’s car(s) on fire, but if you were going to toast an eco-friendly Chevrolet, why in God’s name would you pick a Volt and not a Spark? While still illegal and immoral, sparking up a Spark would at least qualify as a pretty decent pun.

Police and fire crews were responding to reports of a brush fire in Novato on Monday night at 11:30 pm, when they noticed the four flaming Volts, and presumably thought to themselves, “Wait, I don’t get it. Why a Volt and not a Spark? A flaming Spark would make way more sense. It would still be a crime, but it would at least be clever.”

Five crews were quickly able to extinguish the blaze, and fortunately no one was hurt… except, of course, for the ghost of Gene Shalit.

Wait, Gene Shalit is still alive? Huh…

News Source: 5 KPIX

  • Andrei

    The guy has a beef with electric cars and wanted to show the world what a little gasoline can do. Glad he is in jail, what a moron.