Joe Biden Tells Yalies that Corvettes are Better than Porsches, Deal With It
Vice President and noted Corvette enthusiast Joe Biden delivered the commencement speech at Yale University today, and in doing so, demonstrated the one quality that Americans want most in a leader: the courage to speak truth to power.
Well, to undergrads… About sports cars…
Biden is the Scranton-born son of a used car salesman, so he made it his personal mission to smack some working class sense into the over-privileged heads of the Ivy League university’s student body.
“Now look — I realize no one ever doubts I mean what I say,” Biden remarked during his speech. “The problem occasionally is, I say all that I mean. I have a bad reputation for being straight, sometimes at inappropriate times.”
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“So here it goes,” Biden continued, “let’s get a couple things straight right off the bat: Corvettes are better than Porsches. They’re quicker and they corner as well. And sorry guys, a cappella is not better than rock and roll, and your pundits aren’t better than Washington pundits, although I’ve noticed that neither has any shame at all.”
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So yeah, nerds, go ahead and drive your precious foreign luxury cars around New Haven while listening to your lame-ass Whiffenpoofs CDs! Because meanwhile, Biden’s gonna be cruising through the heartland in a bitchin’ Stingray convertible, blasting his Bachman-Turner Overdrive 8-tracks, feeling the wind in his hair plugs, and creepily rubbing your mom’s shoulders—All. Night. Long.
Guess what, four-eyes? Ya just got Biden-ed.
News Source: Politico
- Patrick GrieveEditor
Patrick Grieve was born in Southwestern Ohio and has lived there all of his life, with the exception of a few years spent getting a Creative Writing degree in Southeastern Ohio. He loves to take road trips, sometimes to places as distant as Northeastern or even Northwestern Ohio. Patrick also enjoys old movies, shopping at thrift stores, going to ballgames, writing about those things, and watching Law & Order reruns. He just watches the original series, though, none of the spin-offs. And also only the ones they made before Jerry Orbach died. Season five was really the peak, in his opinion. See more articles by Patrick.