Ladies and Gentlemen, the Canyonero Hybrid
The LA Auto Show isn’t for another 11 days, and though we know that there will be a multitude of reveals there, it’s going to be awful hard for anybody to top the revelation of the Canyonero Hybrid on last night’s episode of The Simpsons.
Jalopnik’s resident eagle eye Jason Torchinsky spotted a billboard proudly advertising the 2015 Canyonero Hybrid during Simpsonsorama, an episode that at long last brought together the universes of Matt Groening’s The Simpsons and Futurama.
While we were all no doubt breathlessly awaiting the show finding a way to have Bender tell Bart to bite his shiny metal ass only for Bart to respond by telling Bender to eat his shorts, it was the brief reveal of the Canyonero Hybrid that may have won the night.
The Canyonero debuted in a February 1998 episode entitled “The Last Temptation of the Krust” as the “country-fried truck endorsed by a clown.” The memorable jingle was sung by Hank Williams Jr., who was still relevant in 1998 and not best known for losing his cushy Monday Night Football gig because he’s one of those people who thinks Obama is the modern day analog of Hitler (read: a complete moron).
The Canyonero redefined the full-size SUV segment by being a full-size SUV in the truest sense.
Then, as suddenly as it had come into our lives, it was gone. Now, it’s back. In Pog hybrid form.
Those who want the comfort of a truck with four-wheel drive that smells like a steak and seats 35 without having to sacrifice efficiency will be no doubt pleased to find out that the hybrid powertrain allows the new Canyonero to get a stunning 11 miles per gallon. Not bad for an SUV that weighs 65 tons.
While it’s hard to say with any certainty why it took 16 years for a full-scale revision, the Canyonero Hybrid also appears to bring a number of aesthetic changes to the table.
The front fascia is almost entirely brand new while remaining faithful to the look of its processor. The grille and headlamps now run seamlessly into one another, the front bumper has been lifted considerably, and there appear to be new wheels standard.
It’s likely that the Canyonero Hybrid sources the bulbs for its headlamps, high beams, fog lamps, and daytime running lights from SureFire, and its horn is probably ripped straight from a freight train.
The color also appears to have been changed from the wild and uninhibited Red to the more sophisticated Dark Red.
Interestingly enough, the width also appears to have been cut considerably, and the Canyonero Hybrid takes on a somewhat truncated length more befitting of a Suburban than a Wagoneer.
Perhaps David Friedman had to step in and demand that the new Canyonero only take up about a lane and a half, given that its predecessor was ruled unsafe for highway or city driving by the Federal Highway Commission. There’s also the matter of reports of unexplained fires, but where those were once considered a matter for the courts, the massive GM and Takata recalls have mandated more oversight in the protection of each and every one of the Canyonero Hybrid’s 35 occupants.
While the 2014 Canyonero Hybrid has changed quite a bit, it’s clear that its ethos as a squirrel-squashin’, deer-smackin’ drivin’ machine remains intact.
News Source: Jalopnik
- Kyle JohnsonEditor
Kyle S. Johnson lives in Cincinnati, a city known by many as "the Cincinnati of Southwest Ohio." He enjoys professional wrestling, Halloween, and also other things. He has been writing for a while, and he plans to continue to write well into the future. See more articles by Kyle.