Life Is Hard, so Here’s a Grit Machine Named Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Anti-Slip Machiney
Life is tough. Huge data breaches are being covered up, our airbags are blowing up, and governments are revoking driver’s licenses if you fall behind on your loans—really, modern living is kind of a downer.
So, it is important to laugh, even if it is at really goofy stuff.
With that in mind, meet Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Anti-Slip Machiney, and its sibling machine, David Plowie, the newest additions to the road-gritting (which is what England does rather than just salting) fleet of Doncaster, England.
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😱*Puts on tin hat* 😱
We would like your name suggestions for two of our new gritting vehicles, please.
Keep em clean and be original – we’d prefer not to spend the next few days trawling through responses of Gritty McGritface and Gary Gritter. 🙄 pic.twitter.com/rCH9HneHJe
— Doncaster Council (@MyDoncaster) November 8, 2017
These (ahem) uniquely name vehicles are the result of the Doncaster council opening up the naming of the new gritters to the internet, although the council wasn’t entirely unaware of the possible consequences—in its initial request for names, the council added, “Keep em clean and be original – we’d prefer not to spend the next few days trawling through responses of Gritty McGritface and Gary Gritter.”
The suggestions were then shortlisted and put to a public vote, eventually landing on the lovely names above.
Sadly, that meant some pretty great names didn’t make it—names like Gritney Houston, Lionel Gritchie, Fern Gritton, and Rule Grittania. In the finals, two more were cut down: Spready Mercury and Basil Salty. However, the new gritters will at least be in good, oddly-named company, because Doncaster already has a fleet that features Brad Grit, Gritney Spears, The Subzero Hero, Mr Plow, and Usain Salt.
— Doncaster Council (@MyDoncaster) November 17, 2017
Another great thing about this was the response of Natalie, who proposed Gritsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Anti-Slip Machiney, who replied on Twitter, “Like so many children growing up I really wanted to name a gritter after a 60s bubblegum pop record which was later popularised by a children’s entertainer. After losing the Oldham gritting competition last year, I thought my dream was over but things have changed and thank you to everyone that’s voted for this. As an avid user of roads, footpaths and public spaces and an avid fan of traction, I’ve come to really like not falling over, so gritters do a really important job.”
I have to admit, I snorted at “avid fan of traction.” We are fans as well. Well done, Doncaster.
Daniel Susco is a native of the Dayton-Cincinnati area, and has written on a multitude of subjects. He can discuss Shakespeare, expound on Classical Mythology, and even make witty jokes about Pliny the Elder (More like “Pliny the Rounder,” right?). In his free time, Daniel enjoys reading, cooking, woodworking, and long walks on the beach (just kidding – sunburn is no joke). See more articles by Daniel.