Patrick Grieve

Marlins Man Has An Equally Ugly Marlins Car

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Marlins Man's Marlins Car

Marlins Man in his customized Marlins Car

The 2014 MLB Postseason has been filled with compelling storylines: the underdog Kansas City Royals and their incredible run through the playoffs after 29 years of missing October, the dominant San Francisco Giants and their “even year magic,” the historic pitching performance of 25-year old star Madison Bumgarner, that inspiring Mo’ne Davis commercial from Spike Lee and Chevy, that “Creepy Rob Lowe” commercial that already stopped being funny midway through the NLCS, and, of course, Marlins Man.

For those of you who haven’t been following the series, Marlins Man is Florida-based lawyer Laurence Leavy, a 58-year old fan of the Miami Marlins who likes (and has the cash required) to attend big sporting events, even when his favorite team isn’t playing in them. The problem now, though, is that Leavy has been showing up at Kauffman Stadium during the World Series and sitting right behind home plate while decked out in his off-putting and irrelevant Marlins garb.

Marlins Man In Action

Marlins Man, AKA Laurence Leavy: a 58-year old man who wears his sun visor hat sideways. Photo courtesy of FOX

The Marlins, of course, have the ugliest logo and uniform in all of Major League Baseball, so Leavy’s bright orange jacket and hat have created something of an eyesore at “the K.” In addition to not being very apropos, Leavy’s clothing sticks out like a sore thumb amidst the sea of blue Royals gear that the other fans are wearing.

The Royals have apparently been trying to get Leavy to do the decent thing and wear something a little less hideous when he comes to games, but the Marlins-loving attorney knows he has a constitutionally-protected right to wear ugly jackets and visors if he wants to, which has created a rather bizarre feud between the two sides. As an automotive website, we may not be qualified to weigh in on the controversy, but we can say with certainty that, at the very least, Marlin Man’s custom Marlins-themed Caddy is a crime against humanity:

Good Lord. The sins of Shoeless Joe and Charlie Hustle all pale in comparison to this baseball-themed monstrosity. That particular shade of orange is bad enough, but the added cheesy logos, modified side view mirrors, and Billy the Marlin mascot tailfins elevate this ruined vintage Cadillac from the category of “bad cars” to the “camp classics” genre. This is the vehicular equivalent of Plan Nine From Outer Space. Or rather, looking at this is the vehicular equivalent of putting your nose up against the television screen when you watch Plan Nine, since its appearance is literally painful to the eyes.

When the Royals recently alleged that Marlins Man has just been doing this whole thing for the publicity and actually “hates” the Marlins, Leavy tweeted photos of the vehicle as proof of his undying love for the sports franchise:

So apparently Marlins Man has been using the car to fight for truth. I suppose that makes sense, because if “Marlins Man” was the name of a (very unpopular) superhero, then this Marlins Car would be his Batmobile. His ugly, ugly, horrible, cancer-causing Batmobile.

  • Patrick GrieveEditor

    Patrick Grieve was born in Southwestern Ohio and has lived there all of his life, with the exception of a few years spent getting a Creative Writing degree in Southeastern Ohio. He loves to take road trips, sometimes to places as distant as Northeastern or even Northwestern Ohio. Patrick also enjoys old movies, shopping at thrift stores, going to ballgames, writing about those things, and watching Law & Order reruns. He just watches the original series, though, none of the spin-offs. And also only the ones they made before Jerry Orbach died. Season five was really the peak, in his opinion. See more articles by Patrick.

  • Miami native. stop crying Cleveland

    Wow, had to be a loser from Ohio hating on another person from Miami. So predictable. May I remind you of how hideous your hometown browns colors are and the ugly name. You got your lebron back, so stop crying about things that don’t concern you. Your city can’t win at anything besides bad weather, dirty streets and sports teams that are historically bad.

    • Neutral Party

      Not really here to defend Ohio sports teams because that would be a losing battle, but your negative comment only makes you look pathetic, Miami native. The internet is a shitty place.

    • Cleveland Native. Eat a Butt, Miami

      Hey, Miami native. Please let us know how old-ass Dwayne Wade and Chris Boshoraptor work out for you this year. We’ll be a bit busy enjoying LeBron’s services, thanks much. On the plus side, now that the Heat are mediocre again, you can go back to pretending to like the Magic.

    • I just like to stick up for colors

      “May I remind you of how hideous your hometown browns colors are…”

      What, as in brown, which is the predominant color used by a team called the Browns? You had to come all the way here to remind people that brown is an ugly color and somehow try to make the fact that you don’t like the color brown a knock against a city? Is there no brown to be found in the city of Miami? Do they have strict anti-brown laws so that the garish orange and aquamarine of your awful football team pops even more?

      Moreover: what the fuck you got against brown?

      • Me

        Brown is the color of poop.

        • I just like to stick up for colors

          Poop is the color of brown. It’s besmirched the good name of rich mahogany for far too long. Brown deserves love like every other color. What can brown do for you?

  • Cattywampus

    Team dedications aside, I think it is great that this guy loves something so much that he has put the time and care into customizing his car. While I’m not sure I could look directly at the thing on a sunny day, good on him for putting his energy into what he loves.