Meet Graham, Receive Lifetime Supply of Nightmare Fuel
Behold Graham, and you will never want to drive a car again. Or sleep, for that matter.
Hey, were you planning on sleeping any time this month? No? Good. Meet Graham.
Graham is the horrifying result of a collaborative exploration into what a human body would look like had it evolved in a direction that makes it better able to survive low-impact car crashes. The result, as you can very well see and can now never unsee, is a horrific jelly-thing who looks far too similar to Rubber Johnny for my taste. Graham is so revolting and hideous that, upon being created, he immediately received an invitation to speak at this year’s Republican National Convention.
Graham’s hideous and squamous form was devised by experts including Dr. David Logan, Road Safety Engineer at Monash University, and Christian Kenfield, a trauma surgeon at the Royal Melbourne Hospital. For rendering Graham unto this world, you can thank artist Patricia Piccinini, who probably has a very bright future ahead of her in designing creatures for films and television shows featuring monsters from the Lovecraft mythos.
The objective of Project Graham, which is presented by the Transport Accident Commission of Victoria, is to raise awareness about the dangers that drivers, passengers, and pedestrians face every day. It seeks to remind anyone who gets behind the wheel of a car about the frailty of the human form and the importance of taking proper safety measures at every step. And, hey, if it also provides some truly unsettling nightmare fodder that is certain to haunt people in their darkest and most quiet moments? Well, that’s just a happy little bonus, really.
While it may not be abundantly clear from the outset, every aspect of Graham’s mind-shattering form is intended for a specific function. The forward-sloping shape of his enormous skull is intended to absorb more impact forces and provide more protection for the brain in a manner similar to that of a vehicle’s crumple zones. The lumpy visage is a means to protect the nose and orbital bones from fracturing upon impact. The legs add an extra joint to make it easier for Graham to spring away from an accident and displace force that would normally be placed on the tibia.
And the teats?
Why, they’re just air-filled sacks that absorb force like airbags, that’s all. Pretty standard, really. Get your mind out of the gutter.
If you have plenty of sanity points left to spend and want to interact with a 360-degree render of your waking nightmare, then hop on over to http://www.meetgraham.com.au. It’s even got borderline creepy ambience playing in the background and everything.
Watch: Meet Graham, Liberate Tutemet Ex Inferis
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- Kyle JohnsonEditor
Kyle S. Johnson lives in Cincinnati, a city known by many as "the Cincinnati of Southwest Ohio." He enjoys professional wrestling, Halloween, and also other things. He has been writing for a while, and he plans to continue to write well into the future. See more articles by Kyle.