Kyle Johnson
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Mustang Hit By Truck After Driver Polishes It During Traffic Stop

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Mustang hit by truck

There is such an impressive, almost unbelievable confluence of terrible things happening in the following video that one could almost assume it’s a gift from the schadenfreude gods. It’s a perfect thing, really: likely the worst moment of a young and overly-protective Mustang owner’s life, captured wonderfully in the camera eye for anyone who ever thought getting a ticket for speeding was bad enough.

The video starts when an officer pulls over our budding Mustang enthusiast and hater of all thing sleeved. Drink it in, ladies and gentlemen. Drink it in.

Mustang hit by truck

*Sings “Hangin’ Tough” Internally, Perpetually*

As best we can tell, the officer has pulled Sleeveless and his black Mustang over just after a series of unfortunate (and equally douchey) events: Sleeveless and his precious were being tailgated by a particularly aggressive pickup truck. At some point, Sleeveless alleges that the pickup truck attempted to pass him on the right and, in so doing, someone inside heaved a beer bottle at the passenger side door.

From the Montgomery County Police Reporter:

A pickup which had been very close to the Mustang almost rear ended it when the Mustang driver stopped. When the deputy approached the Mustang driver he was informed that the truck which had been following so close had passed on the right earlier and thrown a beer bottle at his passenger door. The deputy got his drivers [sic] license and told him to wait as he tried to locate the truck.

It bears repeating: if you follow someone so closely that you can take account of the items in their backseat, you’re a douche. If someone is following you that closely, just get out of the way and let them go on about their business of being a douche or risk being a douche yourself. Keep in mind that you are behind the wheel of a ton-and-a-half murder machine (especially if it’s GM-made). Don’t be a douche.

Mustang hit by truck

Pony up, you two.

As the officer runs our young driver’s license and registration—presumably after having refused  Sleeveless’ suggestion of not giving him a ticket since he was so kind as to give the officer two tickets to the gun show—Young Mr. Muscle Shirt takes a moment to polish his pride and joy. Satisfied with his dusting job, he sits patiently on the bumper, awaiting the officer’s return.

Mustang hit by truck

And then a truck flies in from out of nowhere and sideswipes the Mustang.

Mustang hit by truck

Trucks hate Mustangs, apparently.

As it turns out, the truck driver had spilled an entire 32 oz. Coke in his lap (not the correct way to drink a Coke, for the record), resulting in just enough distraction for the truck to drift off the road, barely miss the cruiser, and slam into poor Sleeveless’ Mustang.

Worse: the truck driver didn’t have insurance. Remember what we said about not being a douche?

Mustang hit by truck

You too, truck guy. That’s just for wasting a big soda.

Nobody got hurt, which is good. This is why we are free to laugh at Sleeveless’ hilariously subdued-yet-apoplectic response.

Mustang hit by truck

“It’s this big. Really, I swear it is. The Mustang is incidental. What do you mean by compensating?”

Kyle S. Johnson lives in Cincinnati, a city known by many as “the Cincinnati of Southwest Ohio.” He enjoys professional wrestling, Halloween, and also other things. He has been writing for a while, and he plans to continue to write well into the future. See more articles by Kyle.