Tim Shults
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Officers Discover Snapping Turtle Guarding Drug Horde, Fire and Death to Come

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Remember Smaug from The Hobbit? His relatives are into some weird stuff.

While searching the trunk of a car suspected of being involved in a hit-and-run, Tulsa Police and the Oklahoma Highway patrol were surprised to find a snapping turtle (who we assume is Smaug’s little cousin Buttons) guarding a horde of drugs.

Snapping Turtle

Stop! I am fire! I am death!
Photo: danna (curious tangles)

Police and troopers were so startled by the vicious turtle’s attack that they slammed the trunk closed and called Game Warden Carlos Gomez.

“The turtle had them a little intimidated,” he said.

Gomez came and removed the turtle, holding it up by the tail for a few pictures before releasing it into a nearby creek.

Of course, after the photos were posted on Facebook, he got a very unhappy response from the Oklahoma Wildlife Department, since you should only pick up a turtle by the shell (near the back, if it’s an irate snapping turtle). The photos were since removed.

No word on whether they found a beautiful, shining stone among the stash being chased by a bunch of tiny people.

Tim Shults likes to play golf and spend time with his four daughters.