Kyle Johnson
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Opel Announces Two Sewing Machines, One of Which is a Buff Dude With No Clothes On

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Opel GT Sewing Machine

In a totally 100% legitimate announcement that has positively nothing to do with the fact that today, April 1st, is a little-known holiday for pranksters known as April Fool’s Day, Opel this morning announced that it would be returning to the company’s original roots and building a pair of new sewing machines. As stated, this is completely legit and if you think that Opel is just trying to pull one over on people because it is April Fool’s Day, well then you, friend, could stand to learn a thing or two about trust.

Opel announced this morning that two new Opel sewing machines, which do not yet appear to have a name beyond “Opel sewing machines,” will be the sewing machine equivalent of its hyper-futuristic Opel GT concept, which was actually a real thing that was revealed at the Geneva Motor Show last month.

Opel also revealed concept sketches for the two machines. The first, seen above, definitely borrows a great deal of its aesthetic from that GT Concept and appears as though it would be a pretty functional sewing machine. The second…is a naked man wearing a red top hat preparing to fire an invisible arrow from an invisible bow. Or doing some kind of wacky exercise. Or sizing up his shot on a pool table.

Opel buff guy sewing machine

…the hell?

Again, this is completely legit and in no way a tongue-in-cheek thing.

Opel GT says that it will debut the sewing machines, presumably including the naked man one, at 2016 Paris Fashion Week, promising that they will “put all others into the shade” with exceptional performance, precision, speed, and like 100% more unnecessary nudity.

Also, when I was saying that this wasn’t an April Fool’s joke? Totally an April Fool’s joke. Just in case you weren’t sure.

Kyle S. Johnson lives in Cincinnati, a city known by many as “the Cincinnati of Southwest Ohio.” He enjoys professional wrestling, Halloween, and also other things. He has been writing for a while, and he plans to continue to write well into the future. See more articles by Kyle.