Kyle Johnson
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Opel’s Crossland X Ad Campaign: LOL Why Women Gotta Talk So Much and Other Insightful Musings

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Opel Crossland X

It’s hard to offer an objective opinion on Opel’s upcoming campaign for the Crossland X given that the five ads uploaded to YouTube are unavailable to prying eyes in the United States. However, the press release announcing the ads—entitled “When Handbags Can Kiss and Men do Yoga: ‘It’s a Good Life’ – with the New Opel Crossland X”—suggests a lot of wacky “humor” that plays up the ever-tenuous relationship between men and women.

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“The Opel Crossland X is the best couples therapy,” said Opel Chief Marketing Officer Tina Müller (according to the press release, “with a laugh when referring to the charming, ironic spots”). “Because the Crossland X is new, fresh, and simply different. It’s a real feel-good car that helps in all circumstances and situations. Why should technologies that make life better only be available to a selected few? This is exactly why the Crossland X offers premium technologies to everyone—and we show this with our creative 360-degree campaign.”

Okay.

First up, a spot wherein actors Bettina Zimmermann and Kai Wiesinger use their 180-degree panoramic rear-view camera to discover that their teenage daughter is not retrieving a lost handbag as she had claimed, but rather kissing a boy! Oh, my stars! The name of the spot, I can only presume since I’m unable to actually watch the commercial, must be derived from a moment where dad gives a wry little smile to mom and says “handbags can kiss,” suggesting that they are living under the illusion that a teenage boy is a handbag.

Opel Crossland X ad

If this was an American ad, dad would probably threaten the handbag with a shotgun because lol dads amirite?


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So that’s one down. Next:

Kai Wiesinger goes to take a jog and runs right in front of his wife’s car. Good thing that she’s driving an Opel Crossland X. Thanks to innovative assistance systems, the new crossover immediately brakes autonomously—and thus prevents a major relationship crisis.

Because when I think of relationship crises, I think of running over and possibly killing my significant other the same way that I think about forgetting to take out the trash or having an extended disagreement about money. Thankfully, the Opel Crossland X is here to help avoid the traumatic experience of mowing your spouse down!

Opel Crossland X ad

wut r u doing i almost murdered u

Opel Crossland X ad

im running lol thanx for not murdering me

The third involves the chivalrous act of running into a hotel lobby in a thunderstorm, which is circumvented by the Crossland X’s Opel OnStar assistant and its ability to reserve a room with the touch of a button. Because it seems structured around the idea of avoiding being out in the rain, it presumably also teleports you directly into your room. I can’t confirm this because I cannot actually watch the commercial, but it’s an educated guess.

And then, there’s this:

Depending on the perspective, a Saint Bernard can either be a massive dog—when it comes running during yoga—or look more like an adorable puppy dog compared to the Crossland X’s 1,255-liter capacity trunk. And why do women always talk so much? That’s called enthusiasm. “… and if no one says anything in the event of an accident, the OnStar advisor automatically sends help,” says Bettina Zimmermann at the end of her monologue. To which Kai Wiesinger cheekily responds: “That can’t happen with you!”

HA! YEAH! WHY DO WOMEN TALK SO MUCH? IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE IT’S SOME KIND OF WEIRD SOCIETAL STEREOTYPE ABOUT WOMEN!

It should also be noted that the former of the two sees Wiesinger doing yoga, which the title of the press release goes out of its way to point out probably because it’s just so hilarious to imagine a man doing something as unmanly as yoga.

Opel Crossland X ad

Quick, someone take his Man Card and put it in a Man Drawer in a Man Cave or some other unnecessarily gendered thing

To be fair, when your recent accomplishments include having someone pen a press release under the guise of Grumpy Cat, lame humor is probably just par for the course.

These commercials will begin airing on television starting June 13th. Lucky for all of you who actually get to watch them!


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  • Kyle JohnsonEditor

    Kyle S. Johnson lives in Cincinnati, a city known by many as "the Cincinnati of Southwest Ohio." He enjoys professional wrestling, Halloween, and also other things. He has been writing for a while, and he plans to continue to write well into the future. See more articles by Kyle.