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How Not to Park on Black Friday

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It’s Black Friday. We get it; you have to be first in line at the mall in order to get your free goodie bag full of stuff you may or may not use. Since it’s the middle of the night, you’re in a hurry to make it to your destination, and parking well isn’t the most pressing issue on your mind. But just because you’re rushing to get as much free stuff as possible doesn’t give you license to park like an assclown. Read on to learn how not to park on Black Friday, and enjoy coming back to a car that hasn’t been keyed by a pack of angry housewives whose minivan you blocked in.

Don’t Pretend to be Something You’re Not

Lesson one: if you drive a large vehicle, like a Hummer or a pickup truck, don’t park in compact spaces. Sure, you fit in two spaces pretty perfectly, but you face the wrath of dozens of Yaris or Fiesta owners—and you look like a toolbag. Keep circling until you find something more befitting of your vehicle size.

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Don’t Park on Other Cars

Next to is fine. In front or behind, no problem. But parking on top of another car is just plain rude. Not only are you parking like a complete idiot, but you’re also damaging another’s property—and the owner of said property could easily be a huge dude with a baseball bat just waiting to kick your ass.

Don’t Invent Your Own Parking Spot

Chances are, if there’s an arrow painted on the pavement beneath your car, it’s not a parking spot, but an entrance or exit. By parking there you’re essentially making it impossible for other drivers to leave the parking lot. Don’t be surprised if you come back to your car to discover that it’s been forcefully shoved out of the way by a mob of angry shoppers.

Don’t Forget Your Boundaries

how not to park on Black Friday

Everyone has them—even parking lots. Whether your chosen parking place is surrounded by a curb or a 20-foot drop, it’s important to remember that the boundary is there, and to avoid going over it (especially if you’re parking on the top level of a multi-story parking lot). This is for your own good as much as for the sanity of others.

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Don’t Forget to Straighten Up

Not everyone can park perfectly on the first try, and there’s nothing wrong with that…provided that you correct your crooked parking before leaving your car. This is especially true when parking in a packed lot, like the ones on Black Friday. Try to think of it this way: you’re not the only person trying to park, and if you noticed someone who couldn’t be bothered to straighten their parking was taking up a spot and a half, you’d be pretty ticked. Don’t be that person.