Patrick Grieve
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Sexy Alfa Romeo 4C Ad Wants You To Look At It, Enjoys Being Watched

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The real stars of the sexy Alfa Romeo 4C ad

The real stars of the sexy Alfa Romeo 4C ad prepare to consummate their love for the car’s 1.7-liter engine

The new Alfa Romeo 4C ad is, as you might expect, an ad about the Alfa Romeo 4C. But it’s not just about the $70,000 luxury vehicle, in the same way that Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” isn’t entirely about strict adherence to Catholic dogma. This is also a commercial about very sexy sex, and the sexy people who have it – at least, that’s what we found after a close examination of the subtext. Watch the video below and decide for yourself:

Wowzers, right? It’s not uncommon for advertisers to use sex appeal to sell anything and everything, from cheap light beer to premium luxury sedans, but few of them are quite this straightforward. The imagery in this commercial is explicit enough to make Duffman blush.

The narrator isn’t helping matters, either, putting deliberate emphasis on the words which are meant to denote the male reproductive organ, like so: “To move a man’s spirit, you deal in the realm of sensation, passions… things that have as much to do with the heart as the head.”

According to him, “there is no way to quantify the feeling this kind of performance stirs” (as in loin-stirring), and the 4C driving experience “can only be compared to those irrational movements of the spirit that sometimes occur in man, and for which there is little logical explanation.” (Okay, Mr. Whispery Narrator Guy, perhaps you find your own male movements to be “irrational,” but there actually is a “logical explanation” for them, and you’d know that if you had paid attention in health class instead of doodling pictures of sports cars in bikinis or whatever it is you’re in to).

Also, what exactly is going on here, story-wise? I realize “plot” is not always an essential component of car commercials, or of that particular genre of low-budget filmmaking that this ad seems to take inspiration from, but the whole thing seems a bit confusing.

We see the driver pick up his female companion in the 4C, and then we see it speeding up a curvy road. These shots are intercut with scenes of the two getting to know each other in the Biblical sense, like Madonna and that statue from the “Like a Prayer” video. So are we supposed to conclude that the sex is an imaginary fantasy conjured up by the experience of driving a 4C, or are we meant to think that the couple is racing up that winding road together so that they can get to their private sex chalet on the top of Mt. Doin’it and start getting busy? Because the latter interpretation is probably the only way in which the linking of sex and speediness seems like a positive connotation.

I guess I should stop worrying about the literal elements of the commercial and just appreciate this sexy Alfa Romeo 4C ad for what it is: a very sensual metaphor, whose symbolism is driven home by that part where the girl’s butt turns into a leather seat.

Still from the sexy Alfa Romeo 4C ad

“The ass was a seat the whole time! This car commercial has layers, man!”

It’s all a bit much, though. There’s a fine line between saying “this car is sexy” and saying “I’d drink this car’s bathwater,” and the precocious middle schoolers over at Alfa Romeo USA seem to have crossed that delicate boundary.

One thing is for sure, though: this car is going to be a huge hit in South Dakota.

  • Patrick GrieveContributor

    Patrick Grieve was born in Southwestern Ohio and has lived there all of his life, with the exception of a few years spent getting a Creative Writing degree in Southeastern Ohio. He loves to take road trips, sometimes to places as distant as Northeastern or even Northwestern Ohio. Patrick also enjoys old movies, shopping at thrift stores, going to ballgames, writing about those things, and watching Law & Order reruns. He just watches the original series, though, none of the spin-offs. And also only the ones they made before Jerry Orbach died. Season five was really the peak, in his opinion. See more articles by Patrick.

  • Regarding the “benefits” of being the designated driver, you can get all those and more by staying home.