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Shampoo-Stealing, Nunchuk-Wielding Seattle Woman Attacks Man with Sword for Jostling Her on the Bus

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Ah, Seattle—home to the Space Needle, the first Starbucks coffee, and Sharnika Joy Armstead, the first woman in hundreds of years to assault those around her with both a set of nunchuks and a sword.

The beginning of that ridiculous statement began back on May 18th, when a store owner and another employee caught Armstead trying to steal shampoo. Rather than go quietly, Armstead attacked the men with her homemade nunchuks, biting the employee in the ensuing fight, possibly attempting to claim the shampoo by right of conquest. She was defeated, however, and jailed for three months.

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Sharnika Joy Armstead' s nunchuks

Sometimes, not even a sweet set of electric-tape nunchuks can get you our of a tight spot
Image: Seattle Police

Two weeks later, Armstead went a-conquering again. Rather than the traditional comeback conquering area, though (Russia), Armstead decided to settle for brutally beating another homeless woman in order to steal her makeup bag. However, this time she was not caught.

Then she decided to sleep on the bus (because, obviously, what she claims is hers), but a rather unlucky man bumped her when he sat down. Armstead woke up, and in true form for what we have seen so far, slapped the man in the face. The man, taking offense to this, called 911 and got off the bus. Armstead followed, and drew what witnesses described as a “stick-like” object, which investigators later found was a sheathed 18-inch sword.

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The sword: weapon of enlightened debate everywhere
Photo:Søren Niedziella

We assume that Armstead, faced with nothing she could exactly claim by right of combat, became confused, because by the time police arrived, Armstead, had hidden the sword back down her hoodie. Deputies arrested Armstead with difficulty (she kicked one of them in the chest), and she was arrested for second-degree assault (for the bus incident) and first-degree burglary (for the makeup bag).

We have only one legal suggestion for her.

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