Smart Unveils Four-Row Smart SUV, Says “To Hell with Trees”
In a stunning twist, the Smart brand, known for its incredibly tiny cars that have become the laughing stock of roadways everywhere, revealed today that it will be adding a four-row SUV to their lineup.
“I was just tired of the way our brand was perceived, you know?” said Smart CEO, Annette Winkler, as she puffed a cigar. “Who cares if we’re environmentally friendly if we’re not popular?”
The Smart SUV reportedly weighs 6,500 pounds and gets an impressive 12 mpg on the highway, 8 mpg in the city, and 10 mpg combined, but the engine also relies on a newly unveiled coal-burning process to reach over 11 mph.
“To hell with trees,” Winkler told us. “I mean, what do we really need ‘em for anyways? Because they’re pretty to look at? That’s what movies are for. They can make that stuff with CGI now.”
The Smart SUV will go on sale in all markets across the globe next year.
Happy April Fools’!
Timothy Moore takes his leadership inspiration from Michael Scott, his writing inspiration from Mark Twain, and his dancing inspiration from every drunk white guy at a wedding. When Tim is not writing about cars, he’s working on his novel or reading someone else’s, geeking out over strategy board games, hiking with his pooch, or channeling his inner Linda Belcher over beers with his friends. See more articles by Timothy.