Daniel Susco
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Story Time: Officer Patience and Mr. Ruby Tuesday

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One police officer from Niceville, Florida, has recently proved that his patience is not merely saintly, but almost glacial.

Usually, the person inside the vehicle asks, "What seems to be the issue, Officer?"Image: Coolcaesar

“So, you say your name is Captain Crunch?”
Image: Coolcaesar

On December 21st, the officer answered a report of a dark-colored truck driving oddly. Soon he found it—a dark-colored truck was sitting at a stop sign. For 15 seconds.

Stopping at a stop sign for 15 seconds is a really long time. However, to make sure that this was the correct truck, the officer followed the swaying vehicle, which eventually pulled into a left turn lane.

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Then, evidently the driver decided that left was wrong, so he pulled across the center lane to the right turn lane, waited for the red light, then swung out wide as he turned, running over the median. Probably figuring that, even if this wasn’t the truck he was looking for, this was close enough, the officer pulled the truck over.

The officer asked the driver where he came from. The man said he was coming from “that way.” “Which way?” “Bluewater Bay.”. The officer pointed that out that the man was not driving in a direction away from Bluewater Bay, and asked again where the driver was coming from. “Bluewater Bay.” The officer asked where the man was going. “Bluewater Bay.”

Usually, the person inside the vehicle asks, "What seems to be the issue, Officer?"Image: Coolcaesar

“I can see that you feel very strongly about this.”
Image: Coolcaesar

The plot thickens.

The officer pointed out that the driver had vomited on himself, and the driver looked surprised. Finally, the officer got to the specific offense that caused the officer to pull him over: the lane-crossing and median-striking right turn, to which the driver said, “I was just trying to get home.” We presume this is in Bluewater Bay.

So, the officer asked for the man’s license. The man gave him a Ruby Tuesday’s coupon. The officer pointed this out, so the man gave him another piece of paper. It was also a Ruby Tuesday’s coupon.

Usually, the person inside the vehicle asks, "What seems to be the issue, Officer?"Image: Coolcaesar

“If this is a bribe, you’ll have to do better than a free appetizer.”
Image: Coolcaesar

“This went on for several minutes,” the officer wrote in the arrest report.

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As is perfectly obvious to everyone, the man was incredibly drunk, blowing a 0.219 and a 0.205 on a breathalyzer (which is most of the way to three times the legal limit of 0.08).

We can only hope that Mr. Tuesday finally made it safely to Bluewater Bay (after sobering up, of course).

News Source: Northwest Florida Daily News

  • Daniel SuscoEditor

    Daniel Susco is a native of the Dayton-Cincinnati area, and has written on a multitude of subjects. He can discuss Shakespeare, expound on Classical Mythology, and even make witty jokes about Pliny the Elder (More like “Pliny the Rounder,” right?). In his free time, Daniel enjoys reading, cooking, woodworking, and long walks on the beach (just kidding – sunburn is no joke). See more articles by Daniel.