Kyle Johnson
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Suzuki Forenza and Reno Recalled Because GM Of Course

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Oh, you'd forgotten Suzuki was a thing? You're not alone there. Well, in any case, GM made their cars into fiery deathtraps as well.

Suzuki Forenza and Reno

The apocalyptic 2007 Suzuki Forenza

The saying goes that you shouldn’t kick somebody while they’re down, but one can hardly fault Suzuki (I repeat, SUZUKI) for getting a couple of quick shots to the ribs in on everyone’s favorite kicking post. After all, it’s been years since Suzuki could say that they were better at anything than anyone, so you can hardly blame them for wanting to point out that their long-forgotten 2004-2008 Forenza and 2005-2008 Reno are being recalled for fire risk because of something that the mad scientists at GM did.

The issue plaguing 184,224 Suzuki Forenza and Reno vehicles manufactured between September 1, 2003, and July 30, 2008 has to do with a daytime running light module. This is the same issue that caused GM to recall 218,000 Chevy Aveos and 214 Chevy Optras on Wednesday. It’s fair to say that GM engineers have something like the opposite of the Midas touch, if the opposite of turning everything they touch into gold is turning everything they touch into something that is dead, wounded, or on fire. So, basically, GM is like the Human Torch. Or Death. Or Rogue from the X-Men. Or, perhaps, just a really awful car company filled with deceitful maniacs who lack the agency for compassion.

As with the 2004-2008 Aveo and Optra, the affected Suzuki Forenza and Reno models are at greater risk for fire due to a DRL module that could melt from excessive heat.

There is no notification schedule or remedy mentioned, but perhaps the most pressing question is this: where the hell does one take a Suzuki for manufacturer repairs in the year 2014?

Suzuki Forenza and Reno

The spontaneously-combustible 2005 Suzuki Reno

If you drive a 2004-2008 Forenza or a 2005-2008 Reno, you should be wary of the potential for your impending fiery death. Also, you have our sympathies, because no one—no one—should have to suffer with the indignity of driving a Suzuki in this day and age.

Kyle S. Johnson lives in Cincinnati, a city known by many as “the Cincinnati of Southwest Ohio.” He enjoys professional wrestling, Halloween, and also other things. He has been writing for a while, and he plans to continue to write well into the future. See more articles by Kyle.