Patrick Grieve
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Flying Hatchet Smashes Windshield, Teaches Invaluable Lesson

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Hatches Smashes windshield

Axes: better than coffee on your morning commute. Photo: Massachusetts State Police

Pay Attention, Kids!

Two motorists on Route 95 in Topsfield, Massachusetts had a less than ideal driving experience today when an airborne hatchet crashed through their windshield. Fortunately, the axe got stuck in the glass and was unable to fulfill its murderous intentions. The female passenger was reportedly and understandably “shaken up” by the whole ordeal.

Hatchet in Windshield

The somehow unsoiled white pants of the lucky survivor. Photo: Massachusetts State Police

The unidentified man and woman were driving behind the horse-drawn carriage from John Wayne’s Stagecoach that gets attacked by Apaches a landscaping truck that had failed to properly secure its cargo when the incident occurred (which resulted in a $200 fine for the truck driver).

The story and photograph come to us from the Facebook page of the Massachusetts State Police, who view this as a teaching moment:

Two important lessons here:

1.) Contractors and all other motorists are reminded to properly secure items they are transporting, including tools, building materials, bicycles, canoes, luggage, furniture, beach chairs, and the like.

2.) The man whose car was struck was obeying the speed limit, driving about 65 mph. If he had been speeding, the increased velocity of his car would have increased the power of the axe’s impact, meaning it could very well have gone through the glass and injured his passenger. Please remember those lessons.

It sounds like Massachusetts now has a new rhyming slogan to rival “Click It/ or Ticket” in the form of “Go the Speed Limit or Under/ or Have a Tomahawk Tear Your Window and Passenger Asunder.”

So remember, teenagers, if you ever dare to drive 70 in a 65 mph zone, one of two things will happen: a tomahawk will crash through your windshield and kill your driving instructor, or you will lose control of your vehicle and murder a bunch of Irish children.

  • Patrick GrieveEditor

    Patrick Grieve was born in Southwestern Ohio and has lived there all of his life, with the exception of a few years spent getting a Creative Writing degree in Southeastern Ohio. He loves to take road trips, sometimes to places as distant as Northeastern or even Northwestern Ohio. Patrick also enjoys old movies, shopping at thrift stores, going to ballgames, writing about those things, and watching Law & Order reruns. He just watches the original series, though, none of the spin-offs. And also only the ones they made before Jerry Orbach died. Season five was really the peak, in his opinion. See more articles by Patrick.