What Your Car Says About You
It takes a certain kind of person to drive a leopard print Audi R8 (you know, like Justin Bieber), which led me to the thought, “What does my car say about me?” If people believe the month they were born in tells them the deepest mysteries of their motivations and personalities and love lives, then surely, my little, bitty Yaris (don’t judge) has to tell me something about myself, right?
So I did a little thinking and believe I may have determined just what your car says about you.
…humor me, okay? Sheesh.*
*Full disclosure: I am in no way qualified to make these claims. I slept through my Intro to Psych class too, like any good college student.
Ford F-150 (and beyond)
If you drive a Ford F-150 (or one of its big siblings, like a Super Duty), chances are, you work hard to play hard. With a towing capacity of over 17,000 pounds, you’re likely hauling a lot more than just your behind. F-150 drivers are dedicated and passionate about what they do, although they can sometimes become a little too invested in their work and can forget about some other things that truly matter (cough cough the environment cough cough).
Spark drivers are loud and youthful and have a tendency to cling to their technology. (If you’re a Spark driver, I’d venture to say you’re reading this on your iPad—or your Mac at the very least.) Just like their cars, Spark owners are colorful and expressive; they love the spotlight, even when it’s not always deserved.
Odyssey drivers are all about family. They love to do everything together—camping trips, soccer games, grocery store visits, you name it. Clark Griswald-approved, the Honda Odyssey appeals to dads who love to goad children into family bonding, moms who are always on the go, and bratty kids with dirty baseball cleats and messy snacks.
While there was a time that I would suspect you of being Adolf Hitler if you drove a Beetle, I think it’s safe to say that now a much more peaceable people find themselves behind the wheel of this German mainstay. The Beetle appeals to the hippies of the crowd, those of us who like bright colors, long skirts, and the new age section at the privately owned bookstore. Drivers of the Beetle are hip and expressive, but don’t ever cross one. Although small, they stand firm in their convictions and will protect the ones they love (although they’ll probably do it with a hunger strike).
BMW 7 Series
BMW 7 Series drivers are either compensating (for what, I can only guess), major tools, or completely unaware of how the larger public views them. Or maybe a combination of all three. Shudder.
If you drive a Toyota Yaris, consider yourself blessed. This means you are incredibly brilliant, esteemed for your wise judgments, unbelievably hilarious, and unquestionably handsome. And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that I own a Yaris. Why would you even suggest that? I did my research, I know what I am talking about.*
*No, I don’t.
Did I pass over the car that you currently drive? Then give me your thoughts below on what your car says about you!
- Timothy MooreManaging Editor
Timothy Moore got paid to write that thing you just read, so he thanks you kindly. He uses that money to pursue his other passions, like sitting on the couch with his dog and a good beer while watching reruns of The Office. See more articles by Timothy.