Today in Irony: Henry Ford Wanted for Stealing Tires Off a Ford EcoSport
Detroit police are on the lookout for Henry Ford, who is wanted for stealing the tires off of a Ford EcoSport and violating the terms of his parole related to prior charges of auto theft.
Yes, you read that correctly.
But before you go thinking that Ford Motor Company patriarch and namesake Henry Ford has risen from the grave (presumably awakened by the proliferation of antisemitism in the United States) to play out some sort of weird vendetta EC Comics style, hol’ up. It’s not that Henry Ford. He’s still very much dead (and, if corpses are capable of thought, probably still super antisemitic).
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The Henry Ford in question here, per Detroit’s WXYZ-TV, is 49-year-old Henry James Ford of Detroit. Ford is wanted for violating his parole, which he achieved by cutting off his ankle monitor and mailing it to the Michigan Department of Corrections along with a note expressing his belief that he should no longer have to be on parole. Bold strategy, Henry Ford. Very bold.
Per the Michigan Department of Corrections, Ford is listed as an “Absconder from Parole,” goes by the aliases Tony Jackson and Jerry Ford (but not Carroll Shelby or Shelby Mustang Gt 500 Miller), and is notable for a tattoo of Garfield on his upper right arm. MDOC’s profile on Ford did not include any insight into his opinion on Mondays.
“Henry Ford, wanted for robbing cars; come on, man, this don’t make sense,” deputy Aaron Garcia told WXYZ-TV’s Ann Marie LaFlamme.
Ford has a long rap sheet that includes multiple charges of larceny from a motor vehicle. He was serving parole for stealing GPS units out of cars, and he’s now being charged with stealing the tires off of a Ford EcoSport. According to police, evidence of his latest crime was found in Ford’s Ford F-150. For real. This is all for real.
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Photo: Ford Motor Company
Henry Ford — captain of industry, publisher of The International Jew, proliferator of the lunatic view that “the Jew is a threat” — has been dead since 1947. In practical terms, this could very well mean that Henry James Ford is in fact the reincarnation of Henry Ford, who has decided to gain a measure of revenge against … I dunno … something? Someone? Ford for killing all the sedans? The EcoSport for being so easy to park?
If that doesn’t seem plausible, keep in mind that Ford himself was a believer in transmigration, saying in the San Francisco Examiner in 1928:
When I discovered Reincarnation it was as if I had found a universal plan I realised [sic] that there was a chance to work out my ideas. Time was no longer limited. I was no longer a slave to the hands of the clock. Genius is experience. Some seem to think that it is a gift or talent, but it is the fruit of long experience in many lives. Some are older souls than others, and so they know more. The discovery of Reincarnation put my mind at ease. If you preserve a record of this conversation, write it so that it puts men’s minds at ease. I would like to communicate to others the calmness that the long view of life gives to us.
San Francisco Examiner, 8/26/1928
Really makes you go ?.
News Source: WXYZ-TV, The Henry Ford, MDOC
Kyle S. Johnson lives in Cincinnati, a city known by many as “the Cincinnati of Southwest Ohio.” He enjoys professional wrestling, Halloween, and also other things. He has been writing for a while, and he plans to continue to write well into the future. See more articles by Kyle.