If Santa’s Reindeer Were Cars, Which Models Would They Be?
Our list of vehicles to replace Santa's outdated reindeer, including Rudolph
As eco-friendly as using reindeer to transport you around the world may be, flying mammals just don’t cut it. It’s the 21st century and it’s time Santa Claus replaced his team of magical reindeer with dependable, practical automobiles.
To make the transportation transition from animal to machine easier for St. Nick, here is our list of what vehicles would be perfect replacements for Father Christmas’ outdated reindeer.
As the name suggest, this reindeer is all about speed–and not just top speed either; this animal has mythical acceleration. Known for short bursts of energy and always being in a hurry, this reindeer has a reputation for hastiness. Fittingly, the Porsche 918 Spyder is known for having one of the best 0-60 speeds (2.6 seconds). Plus, Dasher’s name came from the German “Dascher,” a purse-maker, so the car’s interior needs to be made of nice, well-constructed material.
Our Choice: Porsche 918 Spyder
To earn his name, this reindeer needs to be light on his feet, nimble as a skilled dancer. Plus, he has a level of flair, elegance, and poise–like a gazelle. An equivalent car would be known for its handling, maneuverability, and elegant but sporty flair. Mazda’s iconic roadster–especially its latest generation–fits the bill.
Our Choice: Mazda MX-5 Miata
Like Dancer, this reindeer is light in step but more majestic, taking the time to show off his regal appearance. Because “prancing” is associated with horses, and because the act involves springy hind legs, a rear-wheel-drive pony car could easily replace Prancer: the Ford Mustang.
Our Choice: Ford Mustang
The name technically refers to a female fox, so foxiness is a defining characteristic. However, the connotation of “vixen” has changed over the years, from an ill-tempered shrew to a flirtatious beauty. Which “chick” car comes from a brand that’s playful but temperamental, lovable but frustrating? The unforgettable and confounding Volkswagen Beetle, especially in its topless form.
Our Choice: VW Beetle Convertible
Stubborn and strong-willed, Comet is a jock raging with masculinity. This bull-headed daredevil think he’s “out of this world” and, like a rogue comet, prefers making his own path. Not only is the Chevrolet Silverado HD known as one of the most masculine pickup trucks on the market–rarely shown on paved roads in advertisements–its motto is “Like a rock.” That’s fitting for a celestial object made of rock and ice!
Our Choice: Chevrolet Silverado HD
Unlike most of the other reindeer that are known for their performance, this animal is a creature of love. He values his relationships and likes playing matchmaker (occasionally causing emotional drama among the team). While “romantic” is a subjective term, few people would argue that a classic Chevrolet Bel Air is anything if not sensual. Its brand of romantic, however, is one of a gentleman–flowers, sweet music, and slow cruises through the park–a reputation Santa would be proud to have on his team.
Our Choice: 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air
His name means “thunder” in German. Thus, he must have a low, baritone voice that’s also confident and commanding, making you quiver with excitement when you hear it. What car’s engine sound was so popular, it was released as a downloadable ringtone? The Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat, of course! We could listen to that machine run all day, especially one without a muffler…
Our Choice: Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat
With a personality that’s indicative of lighting (from his German name), this reindeer typically stays in the shadows until he’s overcome with bouts of speed and aggression. Not known for being calm or collected, this animal will appear in a rush and disappear just as quickly, leaving a storm in his wake. BMW vehicles are known for having the most aggressive drivers, and the M4 is arguably the brand’s fastest, more aggressive model. If you encounter one, don’t make yourself a target!
Our Choice: BMW M4
There’s only one defining feature about this reindeer–his glowing nose. A car that’s going to replace Rudolph needs to have the brightest headlights on the road. Although headlight brightness varies based on bulb type, the Cadillac Escalade’s LED headlights were the first to earn a perfect score from Consumer Reports.
Our Choice: Cadillac Escalade
Aaron is unashamed to be a native Clevelander and the proud driver of a Hyundai Veloster Turbo (which recently replaced his 1995 Saturn SC-2). He gleefully utilizes his background in theater, literature, and communication to dramatically recite his own articles to nearby youth. Mr. Widmar happily resides in Dayton, Ohio with his magnificent wife, Vicki, but is often on the road with her exploring new destinations. Aaron has high aspirations for his writing career but often gets distracted pondering the profound nature of the human condition and forgets what he was writing… See more articles by Aaron.