Beware of old cars suddenly growing unsettling cartoon faces…
Photo: Pixabay via CC
The News Wheel has been undertaking a series of “weird old car shorts” reviews, and each short has been stranger than the last. These odd little theatrical/industrial shorts, many of which used narratives and characters to create awareness or sell products, ranged from subtly weird to completely bizarre. While many of these shorts were released in the 1940s and 1950s, the 60s and 70s were no stranger to these trippy little films. And when it comes to “trippy” car shorts, they don’t get much more insane than 1969’s The Talking Car.
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A look at ‘The Talking Car’
Throughout the 50s and 60s, the increasingly motorized world was experiencing a tragic epidemic. The number of children being hit by cars was on the rise, and various institutions sought ways to protect little ones. These included educating children on traffic safety, specifically the “Seen and Be Seen” rules of crossing the street. The Talking Car was a 15-minute short film shown in elementary schools to help cement these rules in children’s heads. But while its intentions were noble, the film itself is unintentionally creepy.
The Talking Car tells the story of a little boy named Jimmy, played by future The Partridge Family star Brian Forster. As Jimmy is packing for a fishing trip with his pop, he notices his friends across the street. Jimmy commits the ultimate traffic safety faux pas by running out into the street without looking. When a car nearly smacks into him, Jimmy’s dad scolds him with some truly Oscar-worthy dialogue: “If that car had hit you, then we wouldn’t be able to go fishing tomorrow… or ever.”
Jimmy says he’s learned his lesson, but while his dad seems convinced, there’s one other entity that isn’t so sure: the family car. And that, as you may have guessed, is where…
Things get weird
The night after Jimmy’s brush with death, he slips into slumber and begins to dream. In the dream, he and his dog find themselves surrounded by three cars floating on ethereal clouds. One is a junker from the 1920s, one is a slightly newer junker from the 1940s, and the other is Jimmy’s late-60s family car. If this wasn’t odd enough, things take a turn when cartoon eyes and mouths suddenly appear on the cars’ headlamps and grilles, respectively. The cars then begin talking to Jimmy about traffic safety. And yes, it’s just as creepy as you’re imagining.
What follows is ten straight minutes of poor Jimmy defending himself to three grouchy, terrifying cars. As it turns out, Jimmy knows his traffic safety rules pretty well. However, the cars impress upon him the importance of not forgetting them; a mistake could cost him his life. Once the cars are satisfied that Jimmy is a responsible pedestrian, they wish him well and send him back to our dimension. Or he just wakes up, I’m not sure.
After Jimmy impresses his dad with his new-found appreciation for traffic safety, he is rewarded with that fishing trip. The short ends with the family car suddenly re-growing its face and winking at the camera. This seems to imply that Jimmy’s dream was somehow real, and even more disturbingly, that the car is truly the one in control. The implications are deeply haunting.
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While there’s no proof that The Talking Car saved lives in the 1960s and 70s, its altruistic intentions should absolutely be commended. That said, it’s still a bizarre and creepy little relic from more innocent times. You can give it a watch for yourself right here thanks to its public domain status.
Daniel DiManna hails from little Sylvania, Ohio. A graduate of Lourdes University with a degree in Fine Arts (which has thus far proven about as useful as a wet paper towel), Daniel’s hobbies/passions include film history, reading, fiction/non-fiction writing, sculpting, gaining weight, and adding more toys, posters, books, model kits, DVD’s, screen-used props, and other ephemera to his already shamefully monumental collection of Godzilla/movie monster memorabilia. His life goals include a return trip to Japan, getting a podcast off the ground, finishing his novel, and yes, buying even more monster toys. See more articles by Daniel.
