Driving Among the Dead: Zombie Cars Are All Around Us
Being that today is Halloween, you’re probably expecting to see a lot of zombie-themed cars and trucks out on the road or at trunk-or-treat events. Perhaps you’ll even decorate your vehicle to be an undead defense unit or one that has been mauled by a brain-craving, bloody hoard.
But October 31st isn’t the only day in the year when you’re going to be surrounded by zombies. They’re all around us, infecting our streets and stalking innocent victims.
In fact, you might even be driving a zombie car and not even know it!
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Zombie Cars Don’t Want Brains…They Want Entire People!
If you’re wondering what exactly a “zombie car” is, Experian Automotive (who came up with the phrase) would tell you that it’s a moniker for vehicles from discontinued brands that still roam the roads. Experian estimates that over 14.7 million zombie cars, trucks, and other vehicles still crawl along the pavement.
Unsurprisingly, the number of zombie vehicles has skyrocketed in the last seven years, thanks to the Great Recession. With so many companies laying waste to their own brands in order to survive, it was like Ash cutting off his own hand in Evil Dead 2.
Researchers estimate that about one third of zombie cars on the prowl are left over from GM’s massacre of the Pontiac brand. Other significant GM names haunting the streets are Saturn, Oldsmobile, and Hummer.
The second most-frequently sighted zombie is Ford’s Mercury, which was buried in 2010. About 20% of zombie cars bear the winged logo, thanks to the Grand Marquis.
If you’re lucky, you still pass a Suzuki or Isuzu every now and then, too.
Should you be scared of this zombie invasion? Probably! A zombie car isn’t like the typical undead who just wants brains…it wants to devour entire people so it can be driven around! Our only recommendation is to give in and repeat after us:
“Clatto Verata Nicto.”
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Aaron is unashamed to be a native Clevelander and the proud driver of a 1995 Saturn SC-2 (knock on wood). He gleefully utilizes his background in theater, literature, and communication to dramatically recite his own articles to nearby youth. Mr. Widmar happily resides in Dayton, Ohio with his magnificent wife, Vicki, but is often on the road with her exploring new destinations. Aaron has high aspirations for his writing career but often gets distracted pondering the profound nature of the human condition and forgets what he was writing… See more articles by Aaron.