Aaron Widmar
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Giant Russian Boobs Wreak Havoc on Driver Safety

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If the only thing you see in this picture are two perky mammaries but not the four-wheeled white truck directly in front of you, you're like one of 517 Russians.  Photo: Europics

If the only thing you see in this picture are two perky mammaries but not the four-wheeled white truck directly in front of you, you’re like one of 517 Russians.

Photo: Europics

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. And, while we here at The News Wheel believe that getting regular exams is important for staying healthy, we don’t advocate examinations in the middle of the street– which, apparently, Russians do.

It seems that drivers in Moscow may be a bit too aware of breasts this month.

Ads with giant Russian boobs are wreaking havoc on driver safety, causing a reported 517 car accidents in 24 hours.

Related: Chevrolet supports breast cancer awareness in a less destructive way

Giant Russian Boobs Wreak Havoc on Driver Safety

Admittedly, the title of this post might sound like a tagline for a horrible 70s underground B-movie, but the bottom line is still hilarious in itself: Trucks featuring ads flaunting giant Russian boobs caused 517 auto accidents over the course of 24 hours.

That’s right. Box trucks featuring lager-than-life topless female chests with the words (roughly translated) “They attract” across them caused hundreds of accidents in a day.

Let’s whip out our calculators (…I said calculators) and do a little math. 517 accident over the course of 24 hours averages about 21.5 accidents every hour. Furthermore, that means one poor male driver fell victim to giant Russian boobs every 2.8 minutes. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that at least one accident would’ve happened in the time it took you to read this article.


So, why were these giant chest-buddies appearing on trucks across eastern Russia? Moscow-based ad agency Sarafan Advertising Agency used this unorthodox marketing stunt to illustrate how often people pay attention to the sides of trucks in order to promote on-vehicle advertising. Thus, 30 trucks were given this billboard-sized arguably-pornographic design.

The final result? 517 cases of distracted drivers colliding with other cars, landmarks, and buildings before the trucks were impounded by police.

Like a mature adult would be wondering, you’re probably asking how you would explain this to your insurance company. And, you’d think the company should be partly responsible for the damages.  A spokesman for the Sarafan Advertising Agency  commented, “In all cases of accidents, the car owners will receive compensation costs from us that aren’t covered by their insurance.”

I can’t say with definite certainty how each of these wrecks took place, but if I had to imagine how the majority of these went down, I can’t help but recall that scene in Rat Race when this…

Rat Race Disaster Truck Rally Chest Piercing Flash

Photo: Paramount Pictures

… resulted in this.

Rat Race Disaster Truck Rally Crash

Photo: Paramount Pictures

While most of us “cultured, well-mannered” drivers like to think that we wouldn’t be distracted by such a gimmick, never say never. That is, unless, this whole fiasco was the result of the age-old adage:

“In Soviet Russia, boobs bounce you!”

Related: Read our full review of the classically hilarious Rat Race

Aaron is unashamed to be a native Clevelander and the proud driver of a 1995 Saturn SC-2 (knock on wood). He gleefully utilizes his background in theater, literature, and communication to dramatically recite his own articles to nearby youth. Mr. Widmar happily resides in Dayton, Ohio with his magnificent wife, Vicki, but is often on the road with her exploring new destinations. Aaron has high aspirations for his writing career but often gets distracted pondering the profound nature of the human condition and forgets what he was writing… See more articles by Aaron.