Diamond Joe Biden Gonna Be Ridin’ a Sick Vette Into Sunset
Many Americans are still grieving the fact that the Obama administration is fast coming to a close, in order to make way for the controversial ascendency of a Manchurian manchild. And one of the most mournful aspects of this peaceful transfer of power is the fact that it brings to an end Vice President Joe Biden’s eight-year reign of badassery.
Over two terms, the longtime senator from Delaware grew to resemble his own Onion caricature, “Diamond” Joe Biden, a charmingly crass 70s burnout. He did it, in part, with unbeatable Aviator sunglasses, unparalleled biker chick pickup moves, and an unwavering commitment to American muscle cars.
And now, to cement his legacy, Biden told journalists at the Detroit Auto Show that he’s going to cruise into retirement in a bitchin’ new Chevy Corvette.
— Chad Livengood (@ChadLivengood) January 10, 2017
Classic Biden, man.
Seriously! The VP has a well-established history of loving Vettes.
As he recently told Jay Leno, Biden still owns the ’67 Stingray that his father gave him as a wedding gift. And, in true Biden fashion, he did a burnout in the damn thing.
Biden also drove a yellow C7 Stingray to pick up Veep star Julia Louis-Dreyfus in a 2014 White House Correspondent’s Dinner video.
And while delivering a 2015 commencement speech at Yale University, Uncle Joe gave those Ivy Leaguers a lesson in reality that they don’t teach at fancy-schmancy colleges, saying, “Let’s get a couple things straight right off the bat: Corvettes are better than Porsches. They’re quicker and they corner as well. And sorry guys, a cappella is not better than rock and roll, and your pundits aren’t better than Washington pundits, although I’ve noticed that neither has any shame at all.”
So do not weep for Biden. After years of being chauffeured around by the secret service, he’s finally free to burn some rubber in the car of his dreams.
And that, my friends, should be a source of comfort during these troubled times.
Patrick Grieve was born in Southwestern Ohio and has lived there all of his life, with the exception of a few years spent getting a Creative Writing degree in Southeastern Ohio. He loves to take road trips, sometimes to places as distant as Northeastern or even Northwestern Ohio. Patrick also enjoys old movies, shopping at thrift stores, going to ballgames, writing about those things, and watching Law & Order reruns. He just watches the original series, though, none of the spin-offs. And also only the ones they made before Jerry Orbach died. Season five was really the peak, in his opinion. See more articles by Patrick.