Aaron DiManna
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Game Profile: Pizza Parking

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A Nintendo Switch with red and blue Joy Cons in portable mode
The vessel through which you too can experience Pizza Parking
Photo: Evan Amos

If you’re a frequent reader of The News Wheel, then you almost certainly know that several members of our editorial team are video game enthusiasts. We’ve covered wide-ranging topics from the history of licensed racing games to the some of the weirdest driving games of all time.

As a genuine fan of both games and pizza, it is both my pleasure and my great regret to introduce you to Pizza Parking.

The premise of Pizza Parking couldn’t be more simple: you assume control of a vehicle and attempt to navigate courses filled with traffic cones and other cars to park on a pizza-shaped target. If you wrack up three collisions or run out of time, you need to restart the course

You take care of your car: Let your car dealer take care of you

It’s a generally fun idea, and there’s a fair amount of variety to the challenges the game throws at you. Stages might ask you to speed through a curvy track, maneuver around a tight parking lot, or execute a clean parallel park. Unfortunately, the idea is the best-executed part of the game.

Mechanically speaking, there are more than a few serious issues. The car is excruciatingly difficult to control, acceleration is jumpy, turning is inaccurate, and the target routinely fails to notice when you’re in the right place. The difficulty also ramps up so quickly that I was pretty much ready to call it quits after only a few levels.

It’s also worth pointing out that, inexplicably, the safety of the pizza you’re meant to be delivering has absolutely no bearing whether or not you complete a stage. Your car (which looks like a late 1980’s taxi, bright yellow color and all) always holds the pizza in its open trunk, meaning that by the time you finally make it to your destination, you’ll probably be parking sans pizza. In a world where multiple brands like Dominos and Digornio have built entire marketing campaigns around poor road conditions messing up your precious cargo, it’s worth a chuckle.

Keep your pizza safe: Stay up to date on maintenance

There are worse driving games in the world, but I’m not convinced that it’s worth $6 to get mad at your Nintendo Switch.