A Eugene, Oregon man has been arrested following an altercation in which he and another man allegedly attacked a man near a homeless camp, knocked out and stole the man’s tooth, and was then tracked down by the man and attacked with a machete.
I know. Stick with me, here.
According to the 51-year-old man who was attacked, who police found in the parking lot near his vehicle, here’s how it happened: he was in his car near the homeless camp, when he was approached by 44-year-old Adam Samuel Charles and another man. Charles said that the man’s car was “full of white people,” which caused the man to get out of the car to confront Charles. We assume this wasn’t all that was said, as “car full of white people” ranks in insults somewhere between “I don’t like your shoes” and “You are wearing a hat.”
The man quickly found out that getting out of the car was a bad plan, as Charles allegedly attacked him, punching him in the mouth and knocking out his tooth. A fight ensued, which was broken up by a bystander with pepper spray. Charles and the other man left, but there was a problem.
The man couldn’t find his tooth. So, he jumped back in his car and went looking for Charles and his companion, finding them several blocks away in a parking lot. The man with Charles allegedly threw something at the vehicle, denting the side, after which he menaced the man with some unidentified item.
The tooth-deprived man then pulled out his machete and swung it at Charles’ friend, knocking the item out of his hands. From there, the police took over, arresting Charles and letting the other man go.
This is one strange, convoluted story. I think that there is one explanation of this: Charles and his companion are Fairies.
No, not like that
This isn’t to say he is some Tinkerbell-like little thing flitting around leaving sugar plums or any other modern meaning of the word. I mean they are Old English, blood-and-magic, capital-F, evil-being Fairies.
I think, based on his mugshot, you wouldn’t really want to call Charles “fairy” in any modern sense
I have three main arguments to support this.
First, there is the fact that Fairies, according to European legend, like to stir up trouble. This trouble could be benign, such as with so-called “fairy-locks,” where fairies tangle people’s hair (referenced by Shakespeare in Romeo and Juliet and King Lear), or malevolent, such as with “Elfshot,” which (according to the Anglo-Saxon medical text Wið Færstice) refers to sudden, shooting pains said to be caused by fairies shooting you with invisible arrows. Side note: in legends and historical texts, the terms “elf” and “fairy” are generally interchangeable and mean the same thing.
It sort of changes the way you look at Elf if you imagine Will Ferrell shooting invisible arrows at everyone
© New Line Cinemas
With this kind of malevolent historical basis, it is suddenly clear why Charles would randomly antagonize this man, and also why Charles has a long criminal history, trailing back to a charge of arson when Charles was 13.
Next, there is the fact that, again according to legends, Fairies have been known to be hurt by iron—horseshoes, knives, and other sources of iron have long been hung on doors or walls (or buried under doorways) to frighten away fairies. So, notice that, when Charles and his friend originally approached the man or when the man found the pair again in the parking lot, they didn’t fight the man until he had gotten out of his car (quite probably made with iron or steel) or touch the car in any way, only throwing something at the car. And how did the fight end? With cold steel – the man’s machete.
Why the man just had a machete in his car is a question for later
Picture: Adam Jones
Finally, there is the fact that Charles and his friend took the tooth. I believe that, if they were fairies, that taking the tooth would allow them to curse the man. The idea that, if you have a piece of someone’s body, you can curse them or have some control over them, is also widespread and often reference in literature—for example, in Terry Pratchett’s novel Hogfather, one of the villains is able to magically control hundreds of children using their teeth. That might also explain why the man was so desperate to get his tooth back—perhaps he knew of Charles and company’s Fae nature, and was seeking to defend himself, hinting at a larger, unseen conflict raging through the communities of Oregon. This would also explain why, of all things, this man had a machete with him in his car.
While I’m not definitely saying that there is a hidden, Fairy-vs-Human war going on in Eugene, Oregon, I’m saying that maybe there are compelling reasons to buy a steel-bodied car.
News Source: The Register-Guard
“News” Sources: Lives of the Necromancers by William Godwin (1876), Wið Færstice‘s charm against elf-shot via Heorot.dk, Romeo and Juliet Act 1, Scene 4 via Shakespeare-online.com, King Lear Act 2, Scene 3 via Sparknotes
