The News Wheel
No Comments

Mr. Miller Steals Coors Light Truck, Runs Over Own Ankle

Decrease Font Size Increase Font Size Text Size Print This Page

We all have impossible dreams—like when you were a kid, you always wanted to drive the ice cream truck, because then you would have all the ice cream you wanted. Then maybe you wanted to work at the toy store, because then you would get so many toys.

Do Habitat for Humanity People Get Houses? No, but they did get a $1 million donation from Nissan

Stuffed toys

Pictured: the inside of every Toys R Us employee’s rooms
Image: matt smith

Of course, you then grew up, realized business doesn’t work like that, and just got on with things.

We imagine that this lesson did not make it to 55-year-old Gregory Miller, who stole a Coors Light delivery truck from a Circle K in Columbus, Georgia, at 5:45 in the morning. We also presume that Miller really, really likes beer.

Coors Light

Figures that a man named “Miller” would one day steal a beer truck
Image: Nilo S. Miranda II

Of course, Miller did not apparently think through a few things about his beverage heist. The first is that a semi truck is not inconspicuous, especially before 6am. Police quickly located the truck, and Miller took them on a high-speed chase, which ended due to the second thing that Miller did not think through: Miller apparently does not know how to drive a semi truck very well.

Miller crashed into a fence behind a Bojangles restaurant, and bailed out of the truck. This might have led to another chase, but Miller missed one final bit of planning: engaging the parking brake.

Here’s How You Do It Right: These are the best Nissans to tailgate in

Parking Brake

Pictured: a very important thing
Image: Jayel Aheram

As he jumped out of the truck, it rolled and ran over Miller’s leg.

Miller was caught (unsurprisingly) and taken to the hospital with severe injuries to his ankle, where he was listed in “Unsatisfactory” condition.

No word whether the hospital will allow Miller a case of brew, but we advise them to lock their ambulances while he’s there—Miller might just try for some free health care.

News Source: WTVM