Patrick Grieve
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Ohio Apparently Has the Best Deals on Used Cars in the Country

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So Come Visit Us. Please.

Ohio has best deals on used cars

Sing it with us: O-H-I-O!

In news that will surely make the Ohio Tourism Board very happy, the Buckeye State turns out to be a Mecca for good deals on used cars. According to a new list by The Street, which ranks the five best and worst places in America to buy a car, Ohio has two cities in the top five (more than any other state) and two others that receive honorable mentions.

First off, if you want a real steal, you need to follow Liz Lemon’s lead and flee to the Cleve. That’s right; Cleveland (city of lights, city of magic, so sayeth Randy Newman) is home to an average 5.75 percent discount on used cars compared to the national average.

The Rock ‘n’ Roll Capital of the World beats out both Stamford, Connecticut (5.5 percent) and New York City (5.65 percent), ranked at four and three respectively, both of which are clearly nowheresville-towns that just can’t compete with the thriving metropolis that is Cleveland.

The only city that has better used car deals than C-Town is Miami at the number one spot, which makes it even more bizarre that LeBron recently left the Heat to return to the Cavaliers. Doesn’t he realize he could have gotten a sweet deal on a 1997 Volvo with less than 200,000 miles if he had just stayed in Florida? I mean, I understand that he’s a millionaire superstar, but Miami’s 8 percent used car discount is nothing to sneeze at.

best deals on used cars

Ohio has the best deals on used cars in the country. Photo:

Speaking of which, King James’ hometown of Akron, Ohio rounds out the list at number five, boasting an impressive 4.96 percent discount from the national average. That should be happy news for the Rubber City, which is still home to Goodyear Tire’s headquarters.

The article also gives shout-outs to Toledo and Dayton (which also has its own Randy Newman song) for having used car prices below the national average.

Notably absent from the list is Columbus, Ohio, which is where this writer recently purchased a used Prius, because apparently he is a chump. (What can I say? The dealer had a cardboard cutout of himself standing next to Arnold Schwarzenegger! I was wooed!) Cincinnati is also nowhere to be found in the rankings, which is a statement most sports fans are probably used to hearing (ba-dum-tsh).

In contrast, the five worst places to buy a used car are Jackson, Mississippi (6.6 percent above the national average); Albuquerque, New Mexico (7 percent); El Paso, Texas (7.1 percent); Seattle, Washington (7.3 percent); and the absolute worst of the worst, Fresno, California, where you will pay a staggering 7.8 percent premium. It seems that the closer you get to the Pacific Ocean, the higher the prices get. This finding should add more fuel to the ever-raging East Coast vs. West Coast vs. Ohio Coast debate.

The article attributes Ohio’s low, low prices not to the fair-minded business practices of our inspiringly honest citizens, but rather to the fact that “its 11.6 million people in a relatively small, car-reliant state with winters that absolutely chew through vehicles. Should there be any surprise this state plows through used cars?”

Well, it’s not the most flattering description, but… we’ll take it.