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Keep Your Eyes on the Road and Leave the Spoons at Home

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A 2020 Chevrolet Equinox
Photo: Chevrolet

Due to current circumstances, I — like many of you — have been spending most of my time in isolation. However, today during my lunch break, I decided to reward myself for surviving most of September by venturing out to the grocery store to buy rations. On the way back, I stopped at a red light next to a woman driving a Chevrolet Equinox. What I saw has consumed my mind for hours.

It caught my eye: The 2020 Chevrolet Equinox

What I saw

As I pulled up next to the lady, I glanced at her vehicle. It was a perfectly normal Chevrolet Equinox painted in what appeared to be Cajun Red Tintcoat. Once I was done admiring the paint job, I glanced casually at the driver and saw her eating something with a spoon.

Allow me to repeat: a spoon.

Why this is so troubling

Earlier this year, I wrote about why sunflower seeds are a terrible car snack, citing the fact that eating them while driving necessitates either leaving “a sloppy mess in one of your few precious cupholders,” or saving up the nasty shells “before trying to chuck them out the window as they defiantly cling to whatever vessel you spit them into.” To their benefit, though, they’re decidedly safer to eat while driving than anything that requires a spoon.

Think about the mechanics of eating with a spoon.

Situation #1: You have to take your eyes off the road to make sure your cupped utensil hits the mark, then balance its contents as you transport them to your mouth.

Situation #2: You put the cup/bowl/nonspecific vessel into your non-dominant hand and scoop from it with your spoon-holding dominant hand. All the while, you’re supposed to have a firm grip on the steering wheel and your eyes on the road.

Situation #3: You use the force like Anakin Skywalker with that pear on Naboo.

Next, cast your mind towards the types of food you traditionally eat with a spoon.

  • Soup
  • Chili
  • Exceptionally soggy Taco Bell nachos
  • Ice cream/milkshakes
  • Cereal

None of these foodstuffs are something I’d like to have spattered across my khakis anywhere, but adding the element of motion — and the safety of others — makes the prospect even less pleasant.

What I’m trying to say

My point is twofold. First, I think that trying to drive while eating something with a spoon may be as dangerous as texting and driving. Second: The stranger I’m needlessly putting on blast seems to have a brazen disregard for the interior of her Chevrolet Equinox. I, for one, wouldn’t relish scraping crusty kidney beans off of my SUV’s upholstery.

TL;DR: It seems like a bad idea to eat with a spoon while driving. It’s distracting, it takes your eyes and attention away from the road, it takes your hands off the wheel, it can cause a big mess, and some simpleton like me may end up writing an article about you.

Spill some Chili?: Take your Equinox to the professionals