Aaron DiManna
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Three of the Most Annoying Bumper Stickers

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Family Bumper Stickers

I honestly don’t get the appeal of bumper stickers. Sure, they’re a fairly low-cost, low commitment way to broadcast elements of your personality to other drivers, but I have no idea why you’d want to do that in the first place. At best, I now know that you really enjoy Star Wars, apparently fight zombies, or some other entirely irrelevant detail. Worst case scenario, I can now more effectively steal all of your belongings thanks to the handy stick family diagram you provided me with.

If any car is cool enough to survive a bumper sticker: It’s the 2020 Corvette

In that spirit, I’ve listed out some of the most annoying bumper stickers out there.

Outdated political campaigns

Bumper stickers for outdated political campaigns
Photo: Dave Winer

Let’s get this out of the way up front: I couldn’t care less which presidential candidate the driver in front of me supports. That having been said, I understand the intention behind trying to encourage people to vote during an election year. But please, can we all come together as one proud human race and take the damn things off after the election?

The frustration only compounds the older the sticker is, especially if the candidate lost. I get it, you voted for Dukakis in 1988. Truly fascinating, but could you please accelerate? The light just turned green.

The stick figure family

Anti-stick figure family bumper sticker
Photo: Mike Mozart

Putting aside the favor you could be doing for the friendly neighborhood burglar, these decals are responsible for instigating a rear-window war. It started with the standard family. Then other drivers fired back with irreverent takes, which were followed up with increasingly violent depictions of how the driver is going to, essentially, destroy your family. I’m not a huge fan of the original stickers, but I don’t particularly like staring at a T-rex eating a child or a car bowling people over while I drive to work.

The “wallpaper”

A million bumper stickers
Photo: Richard Masoner

This is less an issue with any one sticker than it is the collage of bad ideas that some people reduce the exterior of their cars to. One bumper sticker is annoying; 300 of them is some kind of crime. If you hate the color of your car that much, spring for a basic repaint rather than slowly turning it into a rolling eyesore. It may even save you money in the long run.

Cover your car in bumper stickers?: Apologize to it with expert service

I’m not here to tell anybody how to live their life, and if you want to cover your car in small pointless pictures and useless platitudes, go for it. But please don’t.