Kyle Johnson
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Lincoln and goop Team Up for Some Reason

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Lincoln and goop had a panel in NYC in October
From left to right: Susan Lampinen, Dr. Will Cole, Seamus Mullen and Elise Loehnen
Photo: Lincoln Motor Company

Ever heard of goop? Not the substance that’s kind of like what you’d imagine spooling from the jaws of an alien creature before it chomps down on your face. No, we’re talking goop, the lifestyle brand that sprung from Gwyneth Paltrow’s brain mush and offers adherents sage-like, not-at-all-insane advice like extolling the benefits of eight-day goat-milk cleanses. So, yeah, that’s the goop (all lowercase letters, jerk), and that’s the brand that Lincoln Motor Company recently teamed with for a panel discussion in New York. Because, sure, why not.

Lincoln’s chief group designer of Color and Materials Susan Lampinen and goop Chief Content Officer Elise Loehnen were among the participants on the “Navigate Your Life” panel in NYC in October. The discussion, which also included functional medicine expert Dr. Will Cole and chef/author Seamus Mullen, was aimed at promoting a better, balanced, and more focused lifestyle. Because nothing says getting it together better than a $650 tablecloth, which is something goop sells for whatever reason.

Lampinen was there to discuss something that doesn’t quite fall under goop’s brand of pseudoscience and ridiculousness: the idea that Lincoln vehicles serve as a sanctuary for the senses. Lincoln has promoted this very same concept through ads starring Serena Williams and Matthew McConaughey — neither of whom has gone full crazy and launched their own lifestyle brand cults (yet).

Lincoln Lifestyle: What the brand can do for you (note: benefits not evaluated by the FDA)

“From the airy, spacious cabin to the colors and luxurious materials used both in the interior as well as on the exterior, and to the intuitive technology like drive modes and connectivity throughout the cabin — every detail found in a Lincoln vehicle focuses on creating an effortless sanctuary, ultimately making things intuitive, easy, and stress-free for our customers,” Lampinen told Forbes’ Jordi Lippe-McGraw.

It’s not known whether Loehnen took the opportunity of the panel to shill some of the brand’s totally useful and reasonably priced products, which might include psychic vampire repellent and a whole bunch of stuff with a crystal shoved in it. Or maybe she encouraged folks to check out the In goop Health San Francisco summit, hosted by her and Paltrow, which costs anywhere between $1,000 and $2,500 to attend. But, hey, for that kinda scratch, you’ll probably get all the Kool-Aid you can drink!

Lampinen cited the auto-deploying running boards and heated massage seats in the Lincoln Navigator as examples of life nurturing you in small doses. Here’s hoping she didn’t make any unfounded health claims about these features or, like, the 28-speaker Revel Ultima 3D audio system, lest Lincoln lose a false advertising lawsuit like goop did last September. I think they call paying out the nose for making up dumb stuff a neuronasal cleanse in the goop world.

“If you bring design and wellness up to the highest level, it’s about being your best self and living your best life,” said Lampinen. “When we design, wellness and sanctuary are guiding stars for us. It really comes back to ‘human’ and taking care of our clients, providing an effortless, seamless, and luxurious experience within our vehicles.”

Just keep the goat milk in the fridge. You wouldn’t want to spill it all over those nice leather seats.

How Lincoln Stacks Up: The new Lincoln Aviator goat-milk cleanses the Cadillac XT6 in a head-to-head